I'm eating all of the evidence.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
