brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
