Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You smell like stripper and shame
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
