thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
it's like iHOP with fire
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
