whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize