Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
