a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
