your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize