Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
