I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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