I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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