Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
