none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
