let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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