Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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