when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
