Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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