So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
