M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
