Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
