I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize