oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
