tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize