Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
