Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
