saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
