my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She bit a glass in half.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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