I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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