i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
