I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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