She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I currently don't understand fingers.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
