once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
