I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
