I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
