it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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