Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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