after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
