I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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