so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
