he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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