you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize