Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
