Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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