He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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