one might say we're banned from that church
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
