is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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