Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
