if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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