so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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