Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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