i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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