It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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