my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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