Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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