We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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