dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
