I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
