Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
