Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
