Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
