i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize