none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
