My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
