Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
