wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
