i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize