I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
