I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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