finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don't want my vagina anymore.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
