i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
