a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
