I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
