Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
