where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize