whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
