At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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