what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
