wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
