my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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