soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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