Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
