ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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