Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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