In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
