Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize