I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
