i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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