WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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