Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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