I wanna passion pit in your ass
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
