Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
