Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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