Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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