hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
