Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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