Moan for me like Helen Keller
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
