drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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